My 22 year old Conure died yesterday. I'm lost!!

by Sadona
(Montrose, Colorado t)

I know you are not accepting anymore stories. I just want to put my words somewhere. I got Topi as a baby when I was 21 years old. He has been through everything possible with me. At 14 years old we became aware that "He"... Was a "SHE" & apparently JUST came into sexual maturity. I tried to say- "she, her, etc" but 14 years? So we just decided it would be ok to continue the way we were before... With the occasional egg here & there. Topi was... My only constant in a semi-crazy, non-stop "adventure" life. Sort of "swimming upstream ALWAYS but I'm a good swimmer so I got this with a smile" type of life. He had been there, done that. The he/she egg thing at 14? It fit. His cage accidentally fell apart outside & he flew off... But came right back. Neighbors & my ex (the 1 who caused the situation) tried to fish him out of a tree with a net. He flew & came back. 8 months pregnant, running & jumping over things... I tell (yell) them "just put your finger up to him." Duh! Easy as that! His favorite foods were hamburgers, fries, soda, skittles, popcorn, cheese, toast & any junk food, Fast food, yummy food that was near him. You better share or EVERYONE heard about it. He chased BIRD KILLING cats, or anything trying to steal his attention. He would do anything i wanted. He (alone) loved my singing, was my dance buddy, taught every dog who the boss was, had a love-hate relationship with my 17 year old. HATED her for being born, but was kinda nice for food, which he yanked from her. He knew my entire language. I had to use code if I talked about him... Code became clever code & changed often... He should figure it out. We finally figured out that he had "skin envy" after a few years of plucking chest & armpit feathers. None of the textbook reasons applied to this bird. That was the only time he ever saw a vet... 10 years ago. That vet didn't have an answer either because my buddy Topi was "the most tame bird he had ever seen." He loved cardboard boxes. Preferred the ones from 18 pack or case of cans. He would remodel until it was shredded. He taught our (not normal either) Guinea pig... To tear stuff up & throw it out of the cage. Yea! Thankfully he never talked... Whew! But he had his own language.
I came home yesterday after a sunrise bike ride with my youngest kid. 7am ish... A couple minutes after walking in the door, I heard a "thump"... He either fell (& died), or died & fell. I was about to get him in my hands for that final blink/life leaving his eyes. I'm 43 & everything I am, made, learned, saw, heard, did, know... Involved him. He knows all my secrets & everything about me. He was tough & fearless (except the vacuum??)... & he loved me. His mansion decides how to set up my living room... I just do not know how EVERYTHING won't remind me of him. I had talked this over With him... Quite a bit lately. I have had a run of heart break lately & told him he couldn't leave me... Not until Things kinda level anyways. I'm afraid i cannot ever stop crying. When asked about a year ago... "Topi, if you were bigger... Would you take me away from here? Go somewhere we can just relax & be happy?" He was ready... Like he would try right then. So why leave me alone now? Damn i miss that weird, big mouth, naked, Transexual, die hard, loveable, smart... Bird!? Being! I'm lost, hurt & but for my trusty Blue-Heeler dog... I would be alone.